I went into the office this week to complete some work. While waiting for the coffee machine to fill my cup, I was looking out the windows, across the lake at the empty amphitheater. I slowly began to feel overcome with sadness, I turned to take in the vast empty space of this new, state of the art, beautiful office space. I quickly brushed aside the tears I could feel starting to well up. And that is when the loneliness hit me. This area should be full of people, gathering around, getting coffee, catching up on each other’s lives, and that is gone. This awesome office space, meant to inspire and encourage collaboration and bring pride sits empty.
I know we are in the early stages of “reopening” our society back up and this is only to be temporary. But today, it doesn’t feel that way. Today, feels like yesterday, and today feels like tomorrow. Today life feels like a shell of what it was two months ago. I miss going to the office daily, interacting with my coworkers. I miss hearing about what is going on in their lives, both professionally and personally. I miss my friends.
This time in our lives has been difficult. I am blessed to work for an organization that cares about it’s people. A company who’s leadership and decisions in the past, have better prepared it for a time such as this. And we shall outlast the storm. But my thoughts are with those around me who are less fortunate. Those people who are fighting to hang on as our isolation continues. People who have watched their hopes and dreams slip away, and the fruit of their labors wither and dry up. My heart is heavy as I see people struggling financially and emotionally.
I have become disenfranchised with social media. Facebook should be a tool to unite us during times like this. It has not. If your timeline looks like mine, it is deeply divided on how we should respond to our current situation. We are in the midst of a Civil War. I see little to no respect for differing opinions.
Golf has been a retreat from this new normal. A place where I have been able to interact with others, (from a safe distance, of course) and meet new people as we play the game. But even golf has those things that remind me of this new world. There are new rules, individual carts, and the sound of a putt dropping in the hole has been replaced with the clank of a flagstick.
I had the opportunity to play Pinehurst #2 this week. A dream for any golfer. It was an amazing experience, and one I will never forget. But, this was also marred by this new world. Checking into this iconic facility, not through the Pro Shop, surrounded by all the must have memorabilia, but in an empty banquet hall, lined with 6 foot tables to prevent you from getting “too close” as you swipe your card. I realized I was getting the chance to walk those hallowed grounds, to support a business trying to salvage some of the lost revenue. Although it was still awesome, it was not the way I had dreamed.
I strive to be hopeful,and to inspire confidence in my life. But sometimes I think you need to slow down, step back and acknowledge your reality, and allow yourself to feel those emotions that come with it. I am comfortable sitting in my sadness for a period. I will cling to hope, and my faith, and it’s promise: Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. So I will mourn today, but tomorrow, tomorrow I will tee it up again, and smile as I hit a great drive down this fairway of life.